So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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