she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
