best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
