i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
