If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
