wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
