i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sorry about my life...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
