Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
