i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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