Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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