My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
