The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
