and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
