so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
