I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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