i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
