She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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