had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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