By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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