Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
