i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
