first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im holly from the hills drunk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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