I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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