I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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