How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
