The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
