i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
