You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
