i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
