Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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