Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
