Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pooping to opera.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
