i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i've created a new STD.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
