Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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