i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
