Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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