why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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