she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
