oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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