Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
