i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
