i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
