i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Every concussion has its silver lining
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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