I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
