were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize