i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
