your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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