you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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