I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
