Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
