Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
