so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
