I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize