The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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