i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize