Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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