fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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