I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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