You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I need water and some morals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
