What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
