im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
