Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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