I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just had sex bonerless
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
